So today I had like $300 in my bank account. To some, this might not seem like a lot of money. But after being unemployed for a while and chipping through my savings, I feel like Trump (except his hair is better and I make an effort to think before speaking).
But it’s weird isn’t it? How priorities can change. Now that I’m actively earning money it seems like so little. But when I was flirting with bankruptcy, it felt like so much. To the point where being back to that number today makes me happy. I feel like I’ve replenished my savings a little bit, though they were admittedly meager and I have a ton of student loan debt. Some credit card debt too, but I promise not because of any shopaholic tendencies. Just life expenses like food.
And to be honest I don’t know if I know how poor I am. I’m fortunate to have parents who let me stay with them so the house I live in is nice. I also commute to work with my dad now that we both work in the city of Pittsburgh and he drives a Lexus so that’s also nice (because it has heated seat warmers). And I feel like I am finally managing to save a little which is not just nice it’s wonderful. I feel like I’m always breaking society’s rules because my life has none of the details of a worldly success story, yet I’m happy as a clam. I’m just content with my little life for right now. And for once instead of looking to the future or comparing myself to others or making plans of any kind I’m just at peace. Yet there’s also an uninvited but not unwelcome element of joy in it. So that’s pretty wonderful too.
I think the word for it is faith. I just have a faith I didn’t have before. That if God could get me out of what he got me out of in the past year, then there’s really nothing He can’t handle. And even though I have no idea what’s coming, I think everything will be okay. Because somehow everything turns out okay in the end. And if it’s not okay, it’s simply not the end yet. And I hope I can hold on to this new faith, because it makes all the difference.
So ever since I discovered early on in life that I have awful depth perception and that I’m one of the clumsiest people to ever walk the earth, I have lived in fear of child proof caps. As a legal adult who will soon be on the wrong side of my twenties (the side closer to 30 than 20) it is extremely embarrassing to struggle the way I do with child-proof caps.
I get the idea. You don’t want children in the medicine cabinet. You especially don’t want them opening whatever medication you may have. But I have a genuine fear that one day I will have a heart attack or stroke or something, and the only thing standing between me and my life-saving aspirin will be a child proof cap. I can barely open those things in the best of circumstances. What makes pharmacists think that I would be able to do it under duress?
There has to be a compromise somewhere.
So the other day I was taking care of my dog and since I’ve been working a ton lately it was extra fun just hanging out with her while everyone else I live with was away. Anyway, eventually I really needed her to go outside and do her business so I could put her to bed. She took forever to find a location that met her high maintenance needs, but she finally peed and without even meaning too I cheered her on like those cliche dog owners do in movies, cooing “good girllll” like Glinda the Good Witch. And for whatever reason I thought that if my dog could talk she would put me in my place, because that must be so condescending.
And I only say that because I cannot imagine how that process would go in reverse. The restroom would be the absolute last place I would want anyone cheering me on. And, if I’m being honest, at the very least my dog is smart enough to put together the fact that I’m faking my enthusiasm. It’s far from the first time I’ve witnessed the spectacle and she’d probably prefer if I just skipped straight to the treat.
But at the end of the day my dog still has that magical man’s best friend halo, because no matter where we are or what we’re doing she never seems to mind (as long as there’s not a thunderstorm!)
Lucky to have that cutie in my my life.