I am guilty of not thinking of heaven enough or all the ways in which heaven touches earth.
I think I haven’t truly grasped what it means to belong. To belong to God to be truly His own. To have an inheritance in heaven. To have angel armies that surround me and protect me from the forces of evil. With this in mind I want to be braver. To worry less about the future. To worry less about who I am and what I’ll do. To worry less about this temporary world and remember how loved I am by all of heaven.
Today in Oakland there was a little girl and her father eating ice cream near my table and she decided that she wanted to feed the birds ice cream going so far as to chase them with a spoonful. Her father had to explain to her that they would only come if she remained still. What a lesson in life that remains for me.
So lately for the first time in my life I have no idea what decision is the right decision to make. There are so many variables pulling on me, each side in equal measure and each time I settle on a decision it feels like the wrong one. I’m robbed of my usual peace and that in itself is both annoying and scary because I still have to make a decision. I’m sort of a unique individual in that I rarely walk on the typical path. In the past my faith has gotten me through this but now that I’m older I’m wondering if that same faith will still work or if I’m a fool for believing.
I think the real problem I have is that I’m too proud and overly concerned with the opinions of others. Where has my humility gone? With humility that faith that seems foolish to others becomes the greatest joy.