I’m a fairly intense person I think in terms of desire and I notice that with that comes a profound lack of patience where I want everything now. These past few months I’ve been struggling with my health and now that I’m feeling better I’m almost traumatized by how much I’ve been through and wondering how I did it. And from that line of thought I realized I didn’t, God did. He did it while I was in darkness interiorly trying to cling to God with all my heart but not feeling a thing. And I think God knows it’s better for me to have the slow burn of self denial rather than a gratified ego where everything went according to my plan. But I think the scariest thing about getting older is that I don’t know God’s plan I simply have to follow it like a child one moment at a time.