Ever get so caught up on big things ahead that you miss the little moments that make life grand?
I hate when I do that. Because I get so caught up worrying about whether
or not I will be happy in the future that I forget to be happy now, in the present. It distracts me from my littler way of just sharing whatever the moment holds with God, the method that fills even the mundane with a little bit of magic. Yet I admit sometimes, in those moments where I encounter God, I get tempted to try and overcontrol my life to have more of those moments. It takes me back to when I was a little girl on my great-uncle’s farm where, just as the sun started to set, about a million lightening bugs would appear just beyond the fence at the edge of his property. Every time my siblings and I would see them, I’d always try to catch one and hold on to it. As if by holding on to the lightning bug I could also capture the moment, because I worried that if I let it float away it might not float back again.
And it’s hard to trust in those moments because there is something so special about them that you don’t want to risk losing them. And with God that feeling is amplified, because I find myself never wanting to move further away, only closer. And the closer I get I start to notice that everything that used to matter sort of doesn’t anymore. Not to be confused with disinterest, but rather more like discovering that your old priorities have eroded away and have been replaced with better ones, and suddenly everything seems possible.
And I’m left sitting in wonder at the whole thing.