Dear Person Writing a Letter on Behalf of Everyone

Dear Person Writing a Letter on Behalf of Everyone,

Thank you for appointing yourself to write on behalf of all who encompass your demographic. You have truly dismantled the diversity the world claims to long for by homogenizing absolutely everyone, both those for whom you are writing and the people to whom your letter is addressed.

While I confess that I believe your tactic to be so incredibly overused in our media age I can’t argue with your results. You are certainly in good company. History is full of people who discovered that homogenizing a group of people is the first step to fostering a sincere hatred for that group. Look at the Nazis, for example. If you scapegoat the Jews for economic problems not only does it unite your demographic with feelings of superiority, it frees up your time because instead of ever actually having to meet a Jewish person and interact with them you can instead trust the opinions of your news media and your peers and decline to interact with them at all. After all, why should you? Educated people like us know that the members of any given demographic are absolutely the same, so it naturally follows that if you know one you know them all. Those who think differently are clearly not as enlightened as we are and I feel sorry for them because they don’t understand we can’t let anything get in the way of us and whichever cause we have valiantly chosen to represent, not even pesky things like the truth.

In fact, I have a sneaking suspicion that humanity is actually meant to be united and that if we let these humans interact on an individual level we run the risk of them discovering a shared humanity or even, God forbid, that they have more similarities than differences. However, if they are allowed to develop a fundamental respect for each other as human beings created by God, our cause is absolutely lost. This is unacceptable and I thank you for working so diligently to put a stop to it. I too shudder to think what would happen if we spent time fostering human community instead of toting our Facebook pages behind non-descript and vaguely hostile causes like ours with our impassioned demands for progress.

If only everyone would conform to our vision, we spend so much time trying to showcase our intellectual prowess through the written word and still they doubt. Fortunately, I’ve found an incredible defense for  work like ours. When people ask you for things like facts free from bias, question why they are being told to hate others in the name of narrative, or even have the audacity to be offended at the words we put into their mouths without consulting them, simply play the victim and tout your innocence for all to hear. Smother your sentences with the language of relativism. We may not be able to prove we are right but by that same token who are they to think they can prove us wrong? If defaming their character by calling them things like ignorant, offensive, behind the times, Christian, or hateful doesn’t work, defiantly insist that you were simply making a stand in order to “get them to think” and accuse them of hindering progress because they refuse to leave their “comfort zones.”If they ask you exactly what progress they were hindering or what we hope to progress towards end the conversation immediately. Such a question reeks of logic and logic could be the string that unravels the whole tapestry of mutual hatred we work so hard to weave. Those traditionalists who cling to their ideals of universal love and brotherhood make me laugh. I prefer the exciting modern world today where there are entire internet comment sections devoted to nothing but name calling and accusation. It brings a tear to my eye to see those individuals putting their free public education to such good use, even if the grammar is sub-par.

I salute you for your bravery anonymous mystery writer and I thank you for giving us all the same voice.


All Catholic Muses


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