Some days I may use this thing just for me. Days like today where I really need to trust in God. I apply for jobs and while I suppose it’s good to have backup plans I have back-ups for my back-ups. And if this past year has taught me anything it’s that even the best-laid plans fall apart. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Because I think my planning is a way to hide. It’s a compromise to hope. I settle for a half hope because I don’t want to be disappointed. How sad. I was such an adventurous little kid. I biked, I climbed trees, I played outside. Most of all I imagination played. Re-enacting scenes that would play in my head from movies, plays, books, or even my own imagination. And I would force my siblings to play with me. And when one act was over I would just start the next one.
When did my game change? Was it when I grew up? Because I still haven’t. I still dream. I just give more weight to the opinions of others who say that dreams aren’t real. Because I am starting to think that maybe all dreams require is not magic or a denial of reality, but patience. And if I am going to have to wait I might as well wait in hope. I am Catholic after all.